Why Most Training Doesn't Improve Soft Skills

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Y most training doesn't

improve soft skills.

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And how to make sure you don't

flush your learning and development

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investments down the drain.

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We've known for decades that most

soft skills training doesn't change

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behavior or improve business outcomes.

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And despite all the innovations in

adult ed and technology, the situation

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is no better now than in the old days

of death by PowerPoint and building

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towers out of dried spaghetti and

marshmallows to teach creativity.

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According to a 2022 Gardner survey,

just 29% of employees say learning

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and development quote helps them learn

effectively from available people,

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experiences or content and quote.

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Take negotiation, for example.

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To negotiate effectively.

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You need to learn practice and master

specific skills and techniques.

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They aren't secret or esoteric

from getting to gas to

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never split the difference.

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The best books on the topic

are perennial bestsellers.

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I took an online negotiation

course a few years ago and

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totally mastered the material.

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I could've passed a written

test in my sleep with my eyes

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closed since that's how I sleep.

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And possibly with one hand tied

behind my back, preferably my

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right hand, since I'm left-handed.

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In the real world, however

things weren't so rosy.

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I froze when trying to renegotiate

a contract with a client.

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I backed down when haggling over the

price of a new car, because I didn't

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want the sales guy to dislike me.

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And I did another thing badly because

this paragraph needs a third example.

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And don't get me started on my attempts

to get better at conflict resolution.

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I'm a ninja at expressing empathy,

asking clarifying questions and exploring

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interests rather than positions.

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I can count to 10, like a Buddha

before blurting something hurtful.

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And it can all come tumbling

down when I get triggered.

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And I can end up pouring fuel

on the flames of conflict,

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like are right arsehole.

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And as this Gartner stat

shows, I'm not the only one.

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So what's the problem.

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Why are we so bad at installing skills?

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Like communication, creative

or strategic thinking?

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And self-regulation.

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The darn mind has computer analogy.

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I'm going to answer by comparing

humans to computers and analogy that

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I really dislike in general, but it's

too useful here to let that stop me.

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Layer one skills slash software.

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Think of soft skills, like active

listening, negotiating time management,

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creativity, and so on is software.

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The goal of training is to install

the software and trainees, or in most

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cases update their existing software.

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Get them from passive

ignoring to active listening.

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1.02 active listening, 2.0 and

maybe even active listening.

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3.0.

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Layer to mindset slash operating system.

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Software of course gets installed

on top of an operating system.

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And if the operating system is too

old or too buggy, the software that

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sits on top of it won't function

well, and may not even open.

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In our analogy, your operating

system is your mindset.

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We need to define that

word to make it useful.

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Your mindset is everything you've

learned about how the world works.

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What's safe and what's dangerous.

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What kind of person challenges, ideas,

or keeps their head down and so on.

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These are the rules.

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Our minds have created in

service of our survival.

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And for the most part, they are as

unbreakable as they are unconscious.

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If training ignores the operating

system, that's like trying to install

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Autodesk Maya on top of windows Vista,

still the worst OSPF I've ever used.

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Even Ms.

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Dos 6.2, two so much better.

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Layer three neurology slash hardware.

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Drilling one layer, deeper operating

systems float on top of hardware.

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If the hardware is too old, you

can't upgrade the operating system.

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This happens to me a lot because I

read the tech press about the amazing,

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cool features on the last iOS version.

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And then feel sad because it won't

install on my seven year old iPhone eight.

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Your neurology is your

hardware by neurology.

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I'm talking about how your body

perceives and responds to inner and

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outer cues of safety and threat.

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Before your conscious mind even gets

a say, When your body and nervous

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system code a situation as potential

lethal threat, your body goes into

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fight or flight, ready to bite or run.

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Even if that thread is an

email or a snippy comment.

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And in fight or flight, the circuits

that say curiosity and creativity

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and strategic thinking are all

in the off, off, off position.

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Which means you default

to, well, your defaults.

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Which are all the habits you

attended that training to change?

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Training and development

is a triple layer process.

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If you want to change your own

habits and behaviors in high stakes

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situations or upgrade those of your

team or organization, you need to work

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at all three levels simultaneously.

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You need all three for profound

transformation that's effortless to

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maintain, and that doesn't revert

during moments of extreme stress.

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If that sounds like a long

slow process, it isn't.

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In fact, the most efficient approach

is the one that deals with all

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three levels, skills, mindset,

and neurology at the same time.

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That way, the mindset can upgrade

effortlessly to support the wanted skills.

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And the neurology responds in real

time when it's old assumptions are

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made conscious and can be jettisoned

like that package of pickled beets.

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I forgot in the crisper

drawer for two months.

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The takeaway.

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As you pursue high performance in

your career and organization, ask

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yourself the following questions.

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What's one skill or habit that if changed

or upgraded would make the biggest

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difference to my happiness and success.

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Too.

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What's the one behavior change that

would have the greatest positive

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impact in my team or organization.

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Three.

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What are the elements of

mindset and neurology that

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are blocking those upgrades?

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Four.

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What would have to happen for the shifts

to occur spontaneously and effortlessly.

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If you'd like a hand answering those

questions, hit me up@askhowie.com.

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I'm a high-performance

speaker, trainer, and coach.

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And I love the work I do helping

executives, leadership teams, and

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fast growing small businesses do great

things with wisdom, joy, and ease.